How to get on the same page with your spouse when it comes to money.

When it comes to marriage, there are two things we learn very quickly. First, the things that used to be adorable can start to become annoying. The second, even though we may have had so much in common when we were getting to know each other, there are also countless things that could not be more opposite. When this happens, remember, nothing has gone wrong. It’s something everyone goes through and it’s these very differences that make life interesting.

When it comes to money though, these opposite approaches can be frustrating. If you are reading this, maybe you grew up sticking to a strict budget, don’t carry a balance on your credit cards, and always have a plan for your money. Your spouse, on the other hand, may be more free-spirited with their spending. Whether you are a fellow saver/money-nerd or a spender/free spirit, here are some tips to help you get on the same page when planning your finances.

1. Nothing has gone wrong.

   • In my experience, both approaches are needed. As the saver/money-nerd, I keep a tight rein on my spending. The downside, though, is that I often get too strict and don’t let myself enjoy our money. I’ll never forget the time I criticized my wife for getting new shoes while I had old shoes with barely any tread on the bottom. She simply asked if we could afford to get me new shoes. I stopped and realized we could absolutely afford to get me new shoes. I was just too attached to saving money and forgot we were allowed to spend some too.

2. Get clear on your goals together.

   • One approach that has really helped us is to go on a Goal-Date from time to time. Ask each other questions like the following:

     • What do you want to be doing 5, 10, 20 years from now?

     • Where do you want to live?

     • What kind of work do you want to be doing?

     • What kind of house do you see us living in?

     • What kinds of vacations do you want to go on and how often?

     You can probably come up with more, but you get the idea.

3. Once you have your goals, work backwards.

   • This is where the money-nerd does their thing. What would it cost to reach these goals in the timeframe you want? When you have that, do the math:

     • How much needs to be put away each month to reach that goal in that time frame?

4. Go on a Money-Date.

   • My wife will do almost anything if she gets a coffee out of it. So once a month, we would go get her a 16oz white mocha with only three pumps of flavor. Then we would go over our budget together. We’d review the previous month (without any criticism) and plan the next month’s budget together.

     • How many times do you want to go out this month?

     • Will there be any expenses this month that we don’t typically have?

     • Are we still putting enough away for our goals this month?

     I can’t stress enough the importance of making sure both of you are able to feel seen and heard.

5. Embrace your strengths.

   • If you are the money-nerd, do most of the budget tasks. You’re probably the one who enjoys a good spreadsheet and likes seeing everything totaled up anyway.

6. Do weekly check-ins.

   • One of the major problems I see when working with clients is they will create a budget and then only check it at the end of the month. How often do you check the GPS when you’re going somewhere new? Only when you get to your destination? Not likely. The more you check in with your budget, the quicker you can make course corrections in real time instead of seeing where your money went at the end of the month. It doesn’t have to take long, just 10 minutes or less is plenty to see where you are and how the month is going.

7. Don’t expect perfection!

   • Right now, life is not about being perfect. If we expect perfection from our spouse or ourselves, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment. So expect some detours and delays. Working an imperfect plan together is better than not trying at all. So do it messy!

These are just a few things we put in place to help get us on the same page as a couple. If you want to take your finances to the next level and make real progress together, I’m here to help! Reach out via email or click the link below to schedule a free consultation. Let’s talk about how you can start building a stronger, more united financial future.